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Bad at Being Human 3:580:00/3:58
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microscopic 4:560:00/4:56
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0:00/4:28
thank you for listening. it means the world to be heard through my songs that mean so much to me.
recent releases
Listen to my latest new music below. These songs have helped me in countless ways.
But once a song of mine is released it's not mine anymore… it's yours.
bad at being human
second single from the debut EP: "looking within"
I wrote this song on a night back in 2021 when the "simple" tasks of being a functioning person were breaking down for me. Writing it helped me recognize that I wasn't taking care of myself at all—and I was holding myself back from what I really wanted in the process. I’ve had many times where simply being a part of society didn't feel simple in the slightest. Even within the past few weeks, it has been a struggle to show up on a basic level, especially when bipolar episodes flare up or a panic attack is triggered. I’ve accepted that these mood fluctuations are a part of me, so I’ve learned to live with the cards I’ve been dealt—and even find my superpowers within that hardship. Today, I am proud to have built a wellness toolbox that allows me to live this life as fully as I possibly can while I continue to expand what self-care actually looks like for me.
Recorded in West Los Angeles with producer Danny Dash and featuring a lush string arrangement by Rebecca McBride, I wrote "Bad at Being Human" at the piano on a tough night where I was navigating the heavy paralysis of avoidance. At the time, even maintaining the "simple" daily tasks of taking care of myself —like eating, sleeping, socializing, showering — were a struggle. I wrote "bad at being human" about how sometimes being a functioning member of society can feel overwhelming. In the midst of living with episodes of anxiety, depression, hypomania, panic attacks, and paranoia, this song has been there for me through many phases and stages of life.
I hope this track acts as a supportive channel for you for whatever you may be navigating in your own internal mental "warzone". If you’re stuck in survival mode, you can always un-learn any maladaptive ways that you once needed. I promise there’s a healthier way forward that is more within reach than you think.
microscopic
lead single from the debut EP: "Looking Within"
I wrote “microscopic” on my grandfather's Bechstein piano at my parent's home in the summer of 2023. it truly marked a turning point toward choosing how I live my life today. this song is my vow to start expanding my life, to push outside of my “microsopic” comfort zone, to start doing what I actually really wanted to do with my life all along instead of letting fear dictate my every decision. after going through extensive therapy to address the anxiety, trauma, panic attacks, and paranoia that I had been dealing with on my own for years, i had a moment after a session one day where I became acutely aware of how small my life had become due to my avoidance. my reflexes of self-preservation and safety concerns had finally caught up to me. i took a good look at my life and felt a lot of bitterness, shame, grief, and longing for what i felt like i missed out on. my anxiety and avoidance had made my experiences shrink down to only what felt like the safest of options.
since i took that vow, i’ve surprised myself over and over with how much i can handle, how much i am actually capable of, how resilient i can be after my expectations don’t align with reality. i still mourn what’s felt like years of my life lost to escapism and solitude. but in recent years, it’s felt like a blooming. it’s felt like re-growth. 🌱
If you’ve ever felt like fear and avoidance has kept you from doing the things that you wanted, or has limited your life. Maybe this song can speak kindly to that fear, and invite it to open up the gates and embrace the expansion of that comfort zone bubble into the unknown. i hope this song helps you break out of that bubble and bloom into your life in new ways.
How To live without you
2024 debut single
I wrote "How to Live Without You" over a zoom call with Brent Baccetti in 2022. Initially, it was a song about moving away from a person I loved. I was figuring out what to do with myself now that the person who I spent all my time with wasn’t close by. But "HTLWY" isn’t simply another “I miss you, I can’t live without you” song. I wrote "HTLWY" as my way of solidifying how I was starting to (and struggling to) revive and reinvent myself without constantly leaning on someone else for emotional support. This song tells a story of how I became an emotionally independent version of myself that isn't defined by another person. When I was struggling with severe anxiety, one person was my safety zone. I am infinitely grateful to that loved one of mine (you know who you are) for being there for me throughout that entire scary, confusing phase of my life. It took distance and time away from that situation to recognize how unhealthy I was, which in turn took a heavy toll on that relationship. Having regained my health to work on mending that bond, this song is a snapshot in time when I began to form into the kind of person that I am today.
Like with most songs, the meaning of "HTLWY " has shifted to me after having lived with it for quite some time now. I initially wrote the song about my long distance relationship and how much I missed my other half. But this song is also about the growing pains of becoming whole without this other person in my every day life anymore. "HTLWY" started out as a song for learning independence and how to be self-suficcient. It began as a way to discover myself again. After the passing of my beloved grandfather (Pop-pop), in listening to this song now, it has morphed into an unexpected source of support for coping with grief.
In however you interpret the song, in whatever ways you need it - I hope listening to it can provide the same level of care to you as it has to me.
It’s important to me that these people we've lost: a friend from my college Acapella group, my beloved grandfather, my loving grandmother, my mom’s eccentric best friend, my uncle… that they live on our memories. But I’d be lying if I said it was easy to just keeping on living like normal, without them. But we must.
It’s just as important to find ways to take extra care of ourselves as it is to keep the memories of those we've lost with us.
If anything, I’ve made a promise to myself to live out this life to the fullest extent. To not take my time for granted any longer and feel this life as deeply and with my whole being as I can. For them.
For the one that didn’t get to live out his older years. For the ones that got to live out their older years, who I strive to be like. For the ones who wished they had more time. I try to do them each proud in the way I live now, in each of the different ways that they would hope to see me be.
Taking care of ourselves in the aftermath of a loss, is just as important as remembering our loved ones. If you’ve lost someone, I hope this song can help the grieving process soften for you in some way. I hope it can provide a level of care and comfort, in the same way that writing it has brought an exhale of relief for me.